


The Weight of Memories and Guilt

by ghostmateria



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Canon Timeline, F/F, Gongaga, Guilt, Secrets, Withholding the truth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 12:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14449635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostmateria/pseuds/ghostmateria
Summary: What is heavier? Memories... or guilt?Tifa overhears Cloud and Aerith talking about Zack in Gongoga. Will she come clean and tell the cetra that she knew the man, that he was at Nibelheim and that Cloud was not himself?





	The Weight of Memories and Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> A unedited / unbeta’d drabble because I noticed Tifa standing to the side during the Gongaga scene - within earshot? Written from Tifa’s pov because that’s how it happened in my head. As far as ships go there is implied Zack x Aerith and some tentative Aerith x Tifa. I originally planned this to be part one of an AerTi fic. Maybe that will still happen? 
> 
> Warning to Tifa fans: this implies that Tifa knew full well that she ought to be telling what she knew to Cloud (and Aerith) and doesn’t do so. It does paint her reasons in a slightly selfish manner. I love Tifa to death, don't get me wrong, but I think a lot about the fact that she would have remembered Zack had been in Nibelheim... and that maybe she could have saved Cloud a little bit of pain if she'd communicated better? *shrug*

**_Party camp, somewhere in the jungles of Gongaga_ **

The fire wasn’t really necessary, not in this stifling heat that hadn’t eased with the onset of night. But it kept the bugs and monsters ━ and combinations of the two ━ away. It also gave them all something to stare at in companionable silence.

Finished mending the stitching on her left glove, Tifa let out a soft sigh and looked up at Cloud, not surprised to see an introspective expression and creased forehead. _He looks like a person trying to remember a dream. Nightmares are best forgotten, Cloud._

Her attention drawn back to the fire, she watched absently as the flames devoured a small stick on the edge of the fire. Her thoughts drifted back to the unexpected events of the day and as ever to the secrets she held close to her chest.

* * *

 

> **Earlier that day**

_It had been a painful shock to meet Zack’s parents, to hear Cloud deny any knowledge of the SOLDIER whose memories he shared. To know that she could tell those kind people something of their missing son. Overwhelmed, she’d had to leave, following the path taken by Aerith only to turn aside and head deeper into town. Best to be alone with these thoughts._

_Leaning against the mudbrick walls of a hut, shrouded by shadow, Tifa had let the tears fall. She wondered, not for the first time, what might have happened to the friendly man after the events of Nibelheim. If his parents hadn’t heard news from ShinRa then perhaps there was hope? But that feeble thought didn’t carry much weight._

_Lost in her own thoughts, Tifa hadn’t realised that Cloud had emerged from the hut until she heard his and Aerith’s voices muffled by the distance. Not wanting to eavesdrop she considered walking away, only to hesitate when a painful phrase reached her._

_“━━ he was my first love”_

_Tifa froze in place, looking back over her shoulder, unable to tear herself away, unable to stop herself from hearing everything they said._

_“Zack… SOLDIER First Class. Same as Cloud.”_

* * *

Pulled out of the memory by the crackle of the fire Tifa looked up across the orange glow, only to meet the sad gaze of deep green eyes. In the firelight she could see the lines that tears had tracked down the other woman’s cheeks and her heart nearly broke at the sight. Standing she spoke softly, “Aer, can I talk to you about something.”

A glance in Cloud’s direction revealed the man’s bemused confusion. “It’s girl-talk.” If her mood hadn’t been so somber Tifa might have found the transition to panicked alarm on the blond’s face amusing. “We won’t go far.” Receiving a shrug in acknowledgement she beckoned to the Cetra, who followed her into the jungle with a curious and worried look on her face.

True to her word, they didn’t go far. Just enough to be out of earshot, she hoped  ━ the glow of their fire still visible through the trees. Already crushed by the build up of guilt, Tifa struggled to meet the other woman’s eyes, wasn’t sure she could bear to see the compassion they always held. Hesitant she reached out and entangled their fingers, took a deep breath and looked up. Even in the dim light Aerith looked beautiful, although Tifa would have preferred to see her smiling rather than this lingering sadness.

“Tifa is something wrong?” The cetra had squeezed her hand, gentle and comforting, and it nearly brought her to tears.

“I heard what you told Cloud. About ━ about _Zack_.”

This was it, her chance to come clean, to admit that she knew. She would tell Aerith that her first love had been there, to see the fall of a world famous hero, to see a childhood home burn to ashes, to see fire and death and despair. She would speak of the small blond boy who had barely been more than a shadow in her idyllic childhood life. She would explain, calmly, that Cloud was not the Cloud she remembered. That Zack was━ well she didn’t know that for certain, but she knew enough to guess.

“I need to━ ” The words faltered in the face of the loving and trusting gaze of the woman she cared about more than she dared admit. If she told the truth, what would Aerith think of her? Would she tell Cloud?

Hating herself for lacking the resolve, Tifa covered up the awkwardness with a shake of her head. “I just wanted to see if you’re okay. I know you’re putting on a brave face for Cloud, but I’m here for you.”

Aerith’s arms entwined around her waist and she rested her head on Tifa’s shoulder. The words came muffled and shaky, but the gratitude in them was still clear. “Thank you. I━ I think I’ll be fine. It was just a shock. It was so long ago now, I hadn’t expected to be reminded like that.”

Tifa returned the embrace, holding the other woman firmly, as if she could somehow shield her from the world. As she breathed in the scent of flowers and earth that always lingered in Aerith’s hair, the fighter found herself hoping that somehow the comfort she offered might allay the guilt ━ ease the burden of those unspoken words.


End file.
